guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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