I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
