C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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