Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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