He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
