anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
