hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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