he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
