yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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