I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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