i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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