So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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