sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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