It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
