ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
