she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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