doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Found your dick twin last night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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