FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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