i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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