Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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