OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
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