i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
