What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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