life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
