i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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