I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
