I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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