he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
