the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
