She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
