i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she peed on how many people?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
try to milk me bitch
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