just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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