last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
