I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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