his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
