How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i will never coherently bang her
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
