I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
