is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
someone threw a dead crab at me
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
