The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
