I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
