Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
