My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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