Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
