Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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