I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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