I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
