dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
