If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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