I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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