dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
