I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
