Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
