I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
