just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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