did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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