Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
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She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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