I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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