the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
