..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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