just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
