Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
