forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
