I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
