i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
