i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
