Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
