My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
