That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Small penises have feelings too.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
