i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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