hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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