In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
