Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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