I think I died a long time ago.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
