youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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