O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
