just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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