he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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