We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
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Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You left your phone here
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