hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
